On writing, on with writing
I stopped writing. I'm starting again.
I’m not really sure exactly when I stopped writing for myself. When I stopped fleshing out ideas I had dancing around in my head. When I stopped crafting arguments about my values.
But I know why I stopped writing.
I stopped writing because I thought no one cared what I had to say. I have had person after person drill into my head that my writing is not good, that my opinions are not similar enough to those of faculty, and that I need to sit down, shut up, and know my place.
I internalized these messages. I stopped writing anything beyond budget requests and emails. What interesting, novel thing could I have to say?
And then, someone reached out to me, asking if I would write something specific. I don’t think they’d seen me write anything long-form, but they took a chance. And then someone else reached out to me, asking if I would write literally anything: they knew I had some thoughts to share. So I did. And then someone else reached out to me saying they loved what I’d written, and asked that I write some more. And I did and I am and I will.
In a meeting with a colleague, we were discussing writing and how the process — the hard work — of writing is the important part of writing. My colleague said, “So what if someone else already wrote it? And maybe wrote it better than you? Just write.”
So, this is just a little note to say: I’ll be here. Writing. Even if someone else wrote it already, and even if they already wrote it better than me. I’m here for the process of articulating my thoughts. I invite you to join me.
This articulates a lot of the reasons I write and a lot of the doubts I face: remembering that writing is a learning process (and process for learning), remembering that putting it out there is mostly an accountability measure for myself (a form of commitment). I have to remind myself (as your colleague did so graciously) that “So what if someone else wrote/did it? This is your journey.” I’m here for it!